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The Dance - Scott/Logan fanfic
Title: The Dance
Rated: R (for language)
Pairings: Scott/Logan (slash implied)
(Oneshot)
Summary: Logan visits Scott to talk about their past.
Disclaimer: I do not own the X-Men. I just like to write about them.
The day was cold and the sky was pregnant with stormy, gray clouds. Scott was standing in the freshly cut, green grass looking out across the hillside behind the mansion. He looked forlorn and he sighed, wondering if another day would go by without being able to see him. He hadn't seen Logan since, well, it had been a while. And he missed him. The thought barely entered Scott's mind when Logan walked up from behind and stood at his side.
Startled and astonished to see the friend who was once his love, Scott gaped at Logan who stood silently, staring straight ahead, uttering not a word. He watched Logan take a long pull from the bottle of beer that was sweating in the man’s hand. Easing into the encounter, Scott let the silence linger, knowing that Logan would speak when he was ready.
"Surprised to see me here?" Logan said softly.
Scott didn't reply, his thoughts still too heavy for words.
Logan growled softly, looking at the ground, and then nodded sheepishly. "I understand if you're pissed at me. I deserve it. I've been such an asshole this past month . . . such an asshole."
Scott looked at his friend again and started to speak, but Logan continued, letting the quiet winds carry his troubled voice once more.
"I've been doing some serious thinking, and I wanted to tell you . . . I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not coming to see you sooner; sorry for blaming you for – for everything; sorry for not being a good person – for not being the person . . . for not being the person you fell in love with." Logan stopped short, catching his shaky breath. He still declined to look at Scott and continued to stare straight ahead.
"Logan," Scott wanted to say more, but found no more words were able to leave his lips.
"But I was just so fucking angry at you. You left me, godammit. You left me alone – after all we'd been through together . . . you left me." Logan sniffed and blinked back a set of tears. "And you'll never understand how much that hurt."
Scott was fighting back tears of his own. "I'm so sorry, Logan."
Logan regained some of his composure and took a deep, cleansing breath. "But I'm ashamed of feeling that way now. ‘Cause, you know, I felt that way, thinking you left because you didn't love me enough to stay . . ."
"No, Logan—"
". . . or because you thought I didn't love you enough."
Scott could feel his heart being ripped apart in his chest. He knew he'd hurt Logan by leaving, but only now was he beginning to realize the depth of his friend's pain.
"And I loved you more than my own life, you fucking Boy Scout.” Logan smiled bitterly. “I truly did. And that's what got me thinking. I was angry with you for all the things you'd taken from me when you left, and I hated you for that . . . but later, when there was no more room left inside me for all the hate and pain and anger, I realized something else . . . I remembered all the things you'd given me. The things that made me love you more than a friend could love a friend. The moments in time that are worth all the pain . . ." Logan trailed off, too jaded to talk for a while. When he did speak again, he was quieter, more distant. "I mean, how could I stay angry at you? I couldn’t. Not while I remembered all the fucking awesome moments that we shared that belong to nobody but you and me. Even the moments when I thought I could skewer you when you needled me, knowing how easily you could piss me off.” He laughed for a moment, just remembering. “Because you knew how to push my buttons. And I knew how to push yours. God . . . we were so good together.” He sighed, collecting more thoughts, more memories. “But they were all the little moments that define who we are and what we really meant to each other. And I can think of one moment in particular that is worth going to Hell and back to keep sacred." Logan smiled, remembering. "Do you remember, Scott? Do you remember the dance?"
Looking back
On the memory of
The dance we shared
'Neath the stars above
For a moment
All the world was right
How could I have known
That you'd ever say goodbye
And now, I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Scott smiled too. Thinking of the night of nights, when he took Logan in his arms and held him close, letting the music move their bodies while the moonlight did all the talking. The night when he and Logan became more . . . more than just friends. The night – the dance where everything Scott thought, felt, knew, loved was Logan and only Logan. "How could I forget?"
"The dance, our dance," Logan said again. "That's the night I knew – I knew - we'd always be together. It was so fucking great, wasn't it?" He paused at the sound of his own cracking voice. "I'd give anything to feel that way again."
Logan's words weighed heavy on Scott's soul. He wanted nothing more than to put his arms around his friend and whisper all the hurt away. But, Scott knew he could apologize until he was blue in the face, but it wouldn't change anything. Things could never be the same. Scott couldn't go back to Logan – not anymore.
"But I understand now. I understand that you didn't mean to make me fall in love with you just to break my heart." Logan was past the tears of pain, but the sorrow still lingered in his shimmering eyes. His knuckles whitened as his grip tightened around the neck of the beer bottle. "God, if I knew how things were going to turn out between us, I may have never let myself fall in love with you . . . and that would have been the worst thing that could have happened. Scott, loving you was the greatest thing I ever did . . ."
Holding you
I held everything
For a moment
Wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known
How the king would fall
Hey, who's to say
You know, I might have changed it all
". . . and I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for being so selfish and wanting you to be nowhere else but at my side."
"Please, don't apologize, Logan. You had every right to be angry. Don't think you need to say any of this for me." More than anything, Scott wanted Logan to just look at him.
"And I don't want you to feel sorry for me, either. I'm – I'm not quite happy yet, but I'm trying, ya know?" Logan stuttered. "I'm trying."
And now, I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
Scott waited and watched helplessly as he saw new tears stream down Logan's flushed cheeks. He had wanted desperately to see his friend and talk to him, but not like this . . . definitely not like this.
"I wanted you to know . . . I just – I just wanted you to know that I hope whoever you're with now – I don’t fucking care who it is – I just hope they make you as happy as you made me when we were together. I want you to be happy, Scott. I . . . I may not remember a lot of my past . . . but I’ll always remember us." Logan paused and looked towards the ground, wiping the wetness from his face. "And even after everything, you need to know that I wouldn't trade one second of our dance . . . for a fucking lifetime of happiness with anyone else. I swear it." He swallowed hard, and bit his lip, fumbling for any lingering words. "I miss you," he said, finally.
And without even a glance in Scott's direction, Logan turned and slowly walked away. Scott watched him go; wondering if it was the last time Logan would ever come around to talk to him again. But then he smiled, knowing that there was no such thing as ‘the last time’.
My life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance
"We'll dance together again someday, Logan. I promise you that." Scott looked to the sky before glancing down at the cold stone that stood before him. His own name was engraved on the polished rock along with some sentimental words that made him wince. Then, Scott walked past the tombstone, strolling silently across the hillside, and finally, peacefully faded into the world around him.
Author's Note: I wrote this story with other generic characters in mind, but I changed it around a bit because although there are versions of this story elsewhere (written by me), I kept picturing Scott and Logan as the main characters in this seemingly ill-fated love story. It may seem a bit OOC, but honestly, a love story between X-Men Cyclops and Wolverine is completely OOC to begin with. But that doesn’t stop us from fantasizing about the couple . . . and that’s the beauty of imagination. ;-)
Song lyrics are from Garth Brooks’ – The Dance.
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Thanks for sharing your fic with us, I'm looking forward for more.
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Oh, and I'm working on another fic as we speak. :D
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